It's crazy

It is really crazy how out of nowhere your life situation can slap you in the face. I was driving today and came across a sign that said they are building a Carl's Jr near by. First I felt excitement!! Then I picked up my cell phone to call Cole and tell him because I knew he would be the only person who would understand my excitement. Then in an instant I was slapped with reality. I can no longer call him. That relationship, that part of my life is over. So I sat there at the light staring at the sign, in my car, alone and cried. Did I mention it was pouring down rain? Perfect movie setting. 

For so many years Cole has been my main friend. We started dating, spent all of our time with each other, tried not to socialize too much. Moved in together, then we were always with each other and never with anyone else. Then he moved out and I was alone and depressed, kept to myself. We stayed in touch and tried to continue our relationship in secret. Then when he join the Marines I stayed here and waited for him. I wrote him everyday. I prayed for him everyday and waited for him to come home. Then we got married and he was my main friend again. In California he was my only friend for two years. He wasn't a good friend to me. It was an awful time in my life that I will maybe write about later but not now. Either good or bad he's been my whole world and now he is nothing at all to me.

Is that the hardest part of divorce? Losing your friend? I'm not lonely. I was only lonely when I was married to him. Now I'm only lost.
I think I am done showing how bat shit crazy i am going right about now. until next time....